The fatal flaw of the “it gets better” campaign finally came alive to me. Now, before you criticize, I understand that bullying of any sort is terrible and that a positive message is good.
It never gets any better for butter.
But here’s the catch. Why do we ask people to wait and be patient for things to get better? Isn’t that the mental trap we all inhabit anyway? If only this thing I am hoping for came to pass, then my life would be perfect. It can be any number of things that are easy to imagine–a new car, a new job, a new spouse, a new school.
The process devalues the present moment and forestalls the possibilities of being whole now, not in some distant future. No wonder it caught on so quickly.
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February 16, 2011 at 10:00 am
Carl
I get what you’re saying in the grand scheme of things, but for a gay high school student, it’s hard to imagine what to tell them to do in the here and now, besides play out the string, graduate and get going. What would you have them do, drop out and run away from home?
February 16, 2011 at 10:12 am
joelb28
Nope. But any answer moves into the overall dysfunction at the heart of our society. And I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon.
February 16, 2011 at 11:28 am
joelb28
Here’s my other thought on that: In the grand scheme of things, poor people are going to die eventually, so why tax ourselves to help support them now?
By looking back over our shoulders and saying “it gets better,” we absolve ourselves of any responsibility for making things better now, for reaching out to those young people and making them feel valued or protected. I’m not saying I’ve done that to any great extent (reach out), but that seems like a more effective strategy.
January 4, 2012 at 7:07 pm
broadsideblog
I agree with you, as someone who was mercilessly bullied for 2.5 years in high school. The problem with being bullied within the school system is that it’s generally pretty challenging to just change schools — and the kid being bullied, believe me, has by then lost any hope of trust in authority. If one set of teachers and administrators watch the BS and do nothing, why would it be any different or better in some other school? People who are bullied tend to internalize it.
People are often too cowardly to step in, step up and tell bullies to F..k off! The person being bullied has tried. It isn’t working…so when exactly is it going to get better? Not soon enough!
January 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm
joelb28
Thanks for your thoughtful comments! I think adults, and authorities in general, underestimate the challenges associated with bullying. Perhaps because they believe (hope) “it’s just a phase.” But it’s not. I had a couple students last fall (I teach freshman writing) who talked in class about being bullied, and the emotion was clearly still raw.